Thursday, July 25, 2019

Why Many Naija Marriages ln Ireland Are Crashing

This article is about relationships and why many Naija marriages fail in Dublin and the Republic of Ireland

This write up is on....

Nigerian's (couple relationships / Marriages in Ireland). As in, the relationships that works versus the ones that don’t. And the reason behind both...

It's surprising the effects geographical relocation can have on us as individual’s, not to mention as couples' in a new life setting, away from both our family's, husband's and wife's family's.
Normally, a relationship or marriage is usually between a man, his wife, and their children (nuclear family) not necessarily the involvement of the extended families.

As we all know, there are 6 types of family's.

(a) Nuclear family
(b) Single Parent
(C) Extended family
(d) Childless family
(e) Step family
(f) Grandparent family

Our main topic of discussion is the Nuclear family.
As mentioned earlier, Nuclear families, also known as elementary or traditional family, which consists of two parents( usually married or common law) and their children who are biological or adopted, but the main idea is that the parents are raising the kids together in their own home.

Therefore, marriages abroad are successful, when Nigerian couples in Ireland, come to a better understanding of how to cope with family life and work life together with  their children upbringing without the assistance of househelps or housemaids or extended family's or grandparents. Which is the usual lifestyle back in Nigeria.

Although, younger children, who are not school ages are left in care of child minders, creches when both parents work. Or sometimes in an after-school facilities, when they are too young to stay at home after school, while there parents are still at their workplaces.

The moment an understanding is reached, the family foundation is established.
The nuclear family is strengthen by :

(a) Focus on communication

(b) Financial stability (as both parents usually work now)

(c) Children raised in stable parenting situation.

(d) Emphasis on health and education.

(e) Consistency.

When the above mentioned nuclear family obligations are met by both the husband and wife, it's like winning a jackpot to a successful marriage.
It does not mean the couples don't struggle in their marriages or have misunderstandings.
 But when issues are resolved without extended family's or friends interferences, the marriage have a greater chance of survival.

The fact remains on how they scale through difficult times and how well they both express their love for each other, through communication, compromising situations and mending their affairs with a goal target of sticking together come rain or shine. Remembering their marriage vows of being there for each other, in health, wealth, sickness and come what may...

Also, when couples' reciprocate love, affection, attention and appreciation for each other, their marriages could be referred to as a match make from heaven.
 Relationships or marriages that build their foundation on Christ or Allah, depending on their faith, usually passes the test of time.
On the other hand, it's shocking as a lot of Nigerian marriages in Ireland have hit a shipwreck due to geographical relocation, as the couples' found it difficult to hit a common ground of mutual understanding...

As the saying goes, it's more difficult to sustain a marriage by building it up than it for a marriage to scatter and end in separation or divorce when difficult and different issues are arising, and tearing the marriages apart.

Because marriages are an eye opener to a courtship or mutual relationship of donkey years between two lovers. Before the lovers reach the conclusion of wanting to spend the rest of their lives together.

Therefore, until this two hearts that beat as one starts to live together as a couple in a distant country and environment, before they sometimes discovered certain sides of each other, that they never knew existed.

 And even more discoveries of each other, when the couples have to deal with family and work life without their close relatives.
We usually don't appreciate the importance of close friends, relatives, sometimes as couples, as they help to mend a relationship or marriages atimes, by having an heart to heart discussion with couples' , which sometimes helps to prevent a broken marriage or home on behalf of couples' struggling with their marital issues.

Weakness of a Nuclear families :

(a)Nuclear families can become too child - focused, resulting in self - centered children and families neglecting other important things.

(b) Can struggle with conflict resolution.

(c) Exclusion of extended family can lead to isolation and stress.

Whenever a marriage suffers separation or divorce a single parent is given way to...
Usually, according to most laws, except in few cases, the woman (wife or mother) use to have full costody of the children until they are 18 years.
And at other times, an arrangement is made, if the man (husband or father) wishes to create  quality time for his children occasionally.

Speaking of Single parenting. This type of parent families have been on the rise since the 1960s when divorce rates started going up (and so do births happening out wedlock). This type of family was assumed to be uprising due to many different factors, from changing morals in the society to increasing arguments over gender roles.

Being a single parent raising kids can be hard. It can also be hard being a kid when your parents are splited up or if you grew up only knowing one parent. In this situation, families need to make the best of what they have and rely on each other for love and support.

A Single - parent families is strengthened by family members becoming very close, when household duties are shared and children and parents can become very resilient.

While a Single - parent experiences weakness when families struggle to get by one income ; some are on social assistance.
It can be difficult for parents to work full - time and still afford quality childcare.
And parenting can be inconsistent, especially if kids go back and forth between parents.

Most Nigerian women suffer a lot in Ireland during separation or divorce, because majority of our Nigerian fathers don't usually want to pay child support, much as they are never willing to legalise the separation or divorce believing they could eat their cakes and have it.
And back in the days, although divorce was said to be legalised for couples for have lived apart for 4 years.
But sadly, the law wasn't made difficult based on the divorce fees being raised above bars. And stylishly the law partial and indirectly non- functional, because it was one sided, because only men had the full rights to divorce a woman.

Recently, the divorce law was amended and I believe justice is made to free and fair in this era.

And it usually difficult and challenging for Nigeria single - parents to cope with jobs and the children welfare , especially when the children were at a tender age. And also, coping without trusted friends, extended families in the foreign country to relief the struggling single mum during her down times.

, Although some single parents are able to manage the stress of a job and their children welfare but the struggling single mum's life only becomes easier, as the children grow older, they're available to set out for part- time jobs, that doesn't affect their children's welfare.

In a nutshell, a single mothers life can be stressful, boring and miserable, especially if she or, and any member of her family struggles with health issues in a foreign country.

There had been horrible cases or occurrences in abusive homes, where women that kept quiet about their abusive relationship, had lost their lives, due to societal stigmatisation or condemnation and ended up dying in silence.

Usually when a life is lost in the process of an abusive Marriage. Majority of our Nigerian men get justified by their lawyers based on an appeal on manslaughter.

And, after a few months of serving their jail term on good behaviour they are released to get back to their normal lives.

Therefore, I would plead that our Nigerian parents whose marital struggles don't involve Physical abuse, although no form of abuse is healthy, should work harder to sustain their marriages, built on Christ or Allah depending on their individual faith.
For a better generation of Nigeria - Irish kids future.
In order to help eradicate the societal views and trends on causes of broken marriages and homes, affecting our children growth, beliefs, ethical Nigerian culture and upbringings.

Due to certain statement of facts, it was agreed that a great percentage of children raised by a single - parent usually ended up with juvenile issues.

Most especially the some boy's who became a tough nut and to be corrected or disciplined by their Single mum.

And rarely on certain cases, some daughter's who also get out hands by associating with some wrong set of Friends. Thereby, the single mum's difficult child end up in Foster accommodation to ease their mum's of a tougher situation that they have already found themselves.
In some cases, Foster care helps whilst in other cases, the difficult children situations just get worse.

That doesn't mean to say, all children raised by single parent's are bad. As we have a lot of children raised by single mother's doing amazingly well academically and making their mothers proud by being  great children and contributing immensely to the societies growth of the community, counties in sporting activities, academical activities, social activities... etc

In conclusion, marriages that strife to work together maintaining Godliness, comprising their family lifestyle for a better future goal, achievement and success, ensure togetherness to stay forever

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